What is Motherloss?
Motherloss is when you experience the death of your Mother
The impact of Motherloss can mean:
- Mourning the relationship with your Mother that you had, and realizing it has ended.
- Motherloss can bring feelings of sadness, fear, anger, loneliness and uncertainty about your place in the world.
- Motherloss is a profound and complex form of grief in that we don’t realize how deeply this loss affect us or know how much our lives will change.
- Grieving your Mother may mean that you are mourning the relationship you had, the one you never had, or the chance to know her at all
There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of you Mother
We are never really done with grief. It sneaks up on us when we least expect it. Some may be paralyzed by their grief, while others are able to mask their pain, and no one would ever know how deeply they long for their Mother.
Motherloss is a personal lifetime journey that sometimes feels solitary and can stir up unexpected sadness leading to moments of gratitude for having known and loved her. Even decades later, your grief may soften, but it remains with you as a quiet companion that is threaded into who you are and how you move through the world. Over time, you may learn to carry it quietly, but that does not mean it disappears. The burden of unresolved grief can catch up to us in ways we do not expect.
Grief can become a weight you’ve grown used to, or a part of yourself that you rarely name, yet still feel deeply. At some point in our busy lives, we feel the need to pause and finally address the pain of Motherloss that lives inside of us.
My Story of Motherloss
My Mother died on September 4, 1981. I lay by her side as she took her last breath. At 19, I officially became a Motherless Daughter and started my first year of university the week after. I did my very best to appear fine, but inside, I was numb, and felt I belonged to no one. For many years, I struggled to witness my own grief. The numbness created a void that I filled with food, and my loneliness led me to settle, just so that I could feel loved. My grief shaped my life.
I often wonder who I might have been if my Mother had not died. I know I was someone with a life, a personality and a few dreams. But I hardly remember her. The person who was impacted by my Mother loss is the version of me that I am most familiar with. I’ve spent many years of my adult life trying to access the part of me that remembers a Mother’s love.
It all began in September of 1976 when my Mother was admitted to hospital for a hernia operation. What seemed like a routine surgery turned into a life- changing, devastating experience for us all. They found cancer and told us she had thirty days to live. In that moment, everything changed. Who I was and who I may have become, didn’t matter anymore.
It was my first year of high school. Some days, all I could think about was whether today was the day. Other days, I counted how many more days before the thirty days were up. I was 14 years old and admittingly a very sheltered girl. I was raised in a tradition Italian household and was the youngest of six kids with siblings that were much older than me. I didn’t have much say in anything, but at 14 I began carrying a heavy load. A load that got heavier as the years passed and Mom’s cancer progressed until her death.
As I reflect on my journey, I have compassion for the young girl in me who longed for her Mother and carried her grief alone and in silence. At that time, there was no support or resources to validate my feelings. That has stayed with me throughout my 40 years in Social Work and inspired me to offer grief counselling and of course, The Mother Loss Retreat.
These days, I think less about who I could have been. I am embracing with courage and compassion, the version of me that aligns with my highest path and purpose.
I look forward to meeting you and being a part of your healing journey.
About The Motherloss Retreat
About The Motherloss Retreat
The Mother Loss Retreat is co-facilitated by myself, Salvina Castiglione and my colleague Heidi Sturgeon.
We are therapists and have both experienced Mother Loss early on in our lives.
Heidi and I have curated a four-day transformational retreat that invites you to step into a safe space where your grief can be witnessed and honored without judgement. This retreat has been designed to meet you where you are with gentleness, depth and compassion.
Grounded in trauma and grief informed care, this retreat is about healing, connection and meaningful reflection. A moment to breathe and tend to the loss that shaped your life.
Visit our website Here to learn more and join our community where your story will be supported.
Grief Counselling
Mother Loss is one of the most profound and complex forms of grief
Regardless of your age or stage in life, or whether your loss was recent or long ago, the absence of a Mother shapes your world and how you see yourself in it. Grief affects all parts of us and that includes our body, mind and spirit.
Grief is a journey you don’t have to venture on alone. If your Mother or another loved one has died and you are looking for support from someone who knows this pain, feel free to contact me for a free fifteen-minute consultation.
In addition to being a member of the Ontario College of Social Workers and the Ontario Association of Social Workers, I am a Certified Grief Educator and Member of the David Kessler Grief Community.
How counselling can help
- Your Mother or loved one died, and you feel overwhelmed, isolated and stuck in your grief and are looking for ways to manage your emotions
- You were a child, a teenager or a young adult when your Mother or loved one died, and you were not given permission to grieve.
- Now you are free to explore the impact of your loss on your relationships, identity and your ability to feel safe
- You had a complicated relationship with your Mother or loved one and your feelings are conflicted.
- Build emotional resilience and learning ways to manage feelings of guilt and shame through mindfulness and self compassion.
- You are ready to explore how this loss has shaped your adult life, your relationships and ways to care for yourself
If you feel ready to tend to your grief, please feel free to contact me to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation.